Beautiful Waters
Loneliness feels like dying your hair so many times that the hairs fall out
That’s how loneliness feels
Loneliness feelings like bending your finger the wrong way then slamming it in a car door on the way out of an argument with yourself
And emptiness feels like coming home from vacation and seeing that all your plants are super dead
Oh it took years to grow that orchid
Emptiness feels like missing the nail and hitting the whole fuckin hand
So you get mad and hate the world
But really you just hate yourself
And hating yourself feels like uninterrupted darkness everyday for the rest of your life
Winter in the Beaufort Sea
And all of the while you’re looking for answers the internet’s saying it’s definitely cancer and you’ve got 30 days to live
Oh you wanna touch someone but you’re just a shadow
And you’re screaming in a dream but no one is listening
You’re singing in the mirror
But no one’s singing back
So you get mad and hate the world
But really you just hate yourself
I’m sorry I’m so mean to you
I guess I just forget
My heart’s a swinging door
Between happy
And empty
My life’s a rising shore
Of beautiful waters
My heart’s a swinging door
Between happy
And empty
My life’s a rising shore
Of beautiful waters
Full of trash
Lyrics by Kathleen
Phantom Love
Wearing your shirt as I write this song
Is as close as I’ll get to one of your hugs
Can’t drive down home down Victory Blvd
Cause every mile holds a memory of us
And I miss you even more every day
But love and need are never the same
Freedom is lonely
But comfort will kill you
Nothing left but phantom love
Hanging over me
But I swear I still feel your touch
Hanging onto me
It’s been a couple years
And I’ve moved on
But how much of you
is still in my blood
I can’t remember what’s true or false
When memories stack on memories of us
And I know I miss you even more every day
But love and need are never the same
Freedom is lonely
But comfort will kill you
Nothing left but phantom love
Hanging over me
But I swear I still feel your touch
Hanging onto me
Lyrics by Kathleen
Plastic Jesus
Lyrics: (bolded lyrics are from the song “Plastic Jesus” as performed by Paul Newman in the 1967 film, “Cool Hand Luke”, the rest are by Kathleen)
I don’t mind if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic jesus
Hanging on
The dashboard of my car
Comes in colors pink and pleasant
Glows in the dark cause it’s iridescent
Assuring me
That I won’t go to hell
Where did you go?
When I need you most, oh
What do I do
With this hole the size of you
Are you coming back?
Or are you just a dead beat dad,
Who ran off with another planet
Nobody knows if it’s gunna get better
When I look back though was it ever
Really something worth
Tryin to save?
All in the name of a blue eyed savior
Wasn’t even white but we went ahead and
Made him in our image
Anyway…
Oh but
Where did you go?
When I need you most, oh
What do I do
With this hole the size of you
Are you coming back?
Or are you just a dead beat dad,
Who ran off with another planet
Bad “solo”
Fuck her ’til she’s ugly
Then leave her when your done
Take what you need then get back on the run
Hold her like you need her then
Tell her what she wants
Leave a big mess in the morning you’ll be gone
Fuck her ’til she’s ugly
Then leave her when your done
Take what you need then get back on the run
Hold her like you need her then
Tell her what she wants
Leave a big mess in the morning you’ll be gone
And on your way to another planet
How Long Will This Last
How many days alone can you
Spend in your one bedroom?
600 square feet all to myself and I am
Lonely as the moon
Where do you go from here?
Nowhere
Wait it out it will pass
But the person i was
Is starting to fade so
How long will this last?
The lemon trees are blooming
The birds are getting in tune and I forgot
How well this city wears the rain
I carry it home every evening
But none of it holds any meaning
Cause what’s the point of a beautiful day
When you’ve got no one to give it to?
How long will this last
How long will this last?
I carry it home every evening
But none of it holds any meaning
How long will this last
How long will this last?
Lyrics by Kathleen
Fever Dream
It’s been winter everyday for the past few years or maybe it’s been more
Nothing but video games and doom scrolling 10 thousand hours of porn
Every funeral home, every hospital has a ‘No Vacancy’ sign
They got a line around the corner like a BTS show - way before their time, oh
Fever Dream
Slow Parade
Bad Machine
Nothing is happening - no
Fever Dream
Slow Parade
Bad Machine
Everything’s happening oh
Time dripped out of all of us
Like teardrops on the floor
And I slipped in it each morning on my way out the door
Time dripped out of all of us
Like teardrops on the floor
And I slipped in it each morning on my way out the door
Fever Dream
Slow Parade
Bad Machine
Nothing is happening - no
Fever Dream
Slow Parade
Bad Machine
Everything’s happening oh
We choked on teargas
We choked on smoke
We choked on covid
We choked on everything happening all at once
We choked on teargas
We choked on smoke
We choked on covid
We choked on everything happening all at once
Lyrics by Kathleen
San Andreas’ Fault
Last night she was raining uncontrollably
She hardly ever shows you how she feels
Blue light then the morning rolled her over
And the sun starts singing "none of that was real"
False hype
She has built herself on San Andreas falls apart
Whenever he feels
But she holds herself together
wraps herself in easy weather
and all the trash starts shining
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
Long drive
Through her coastal mountains majesty on fire,
steams against the sea
Barbed wire wrapped around her finger singing low how "none of that was real"
But she holds herself together
wraps herself in easy weather
and she hopes it's getting better
and she hopes it's getting better
While all the trash starts shining
as she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
Beatles in the pomegranates
people in her drainage ditches
makeup on her pillowcase
flip it over it's ok
fighting like a beta fish
colorful and elegant
come on take a piece cause you know she's gunna feel like
beatles in the pomegranates
people in her drainage ditches
makeup on her pillowcase
flip it over it's ok
fighting like a beta fish
colorful and elegant
come on take a piece cause you know she's gunna feel like freedom
like freedom
life freedom
feels like freedom
like freedom
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
As she dances in the sun
Lyrics by Kathleen
Glass Piano
how fast do you think you could run
if I gave you the day and the night and an endless horizon
how far do you think you could carry me
would you carry me
what the hell are we doing
your winning I’m losing
can’t trap my thoughts up
in this box you’ve built up
in your smile as wide as the avenue
bring me back to you
oh well I’ve always been good at pretending
wearing permanent rose colored lenses
cause I don’t wanna see when the flags are red
push and pull me
build then ruin me
how close is your past?
cause it consumes me
bend and break
ignore then take you
play me like a
hammer on a glass pianohow
how close to the edge can you get before drowning
I’m smothered in tears
covered in sounds
we’re swimming our way through this melody
unsteadily
oh but there’s something between us
it’s some kinda weakness
like making to norths of two magnets agree
but we’re pushing too fast and too readily
unsteadily oh
well I’ve always been good at pretending
wearing permanent rose colored lenses
cause I don’t wanna see when the flags are red
push and pull me
build then ruin me
how close is your past
cause it consumes me
bend and break
ignore then take you
play me like a
hammer on a glass piano
your head in my lap
my legs made out of clouds
float like a daydream
breathe in and breathe out
with your head in my lap
my legs made out of clouds
float like a daydream breathe in and breathe out
push and pull me
build then ruin me
how close is your past
cause it consumes me
build the break
ignore then take you
play me like a
hammer on a glass piano
do you think you could run if i gave you
the day and the night and an endless horizon
how far do you think you could run if
I gave you the day and the night and
an endless horizon
how long did you think you could play me like I was a
hammer on your glass piano?
Lyrics by Kathleen
Can’t Sleep
slow down
try and think it through
we’re on very different pages
and i’m trying to get back to you
you’re not hearing what i’m saying
you’re being so sincere
but we’re speaking different languages
i got the news this morning
another house is burning down
this is a black flag warning
think i’m falling eyes closed
but i can’t sleep
anymore
i can’t dream
when everything’s a nightmare
i can’t sleep anymore
i’m thinking
how am i gunna get out of this one?
how am i gunna get out of this
how am i gunna get out of this one
how am i gunna get out of this
i’m thinking how am i gunna get out of this one
calm down
look me in the eye
i’m not saying that you’re wrong
i’m just tryna get inside your head
you’re not hearing what i’m saying
you’re being so sincere
but we’re speaking different languages
i got the news this morning
another house is burning down
this is a black flag warning
think i’m falling eyes closed
but i can’t sleep
anymore
i can’t dream when everything’s a nightmare
i can’t sleep
anymore
i’m thinking
how am i gunna get out of this one
how am i gunna get out of this
how am i gunna get out of this one
how am i gunna get out of this
i’m thinking how am i gunna get out of this one
what have we become what have we become
i can’t sleep anymore
i can’t dream when everything’s a nightmare
i can’t sleep anymore
i’m thinking
how am i gunna get out of this one
Lyrics by Kathleen, Dan Nigro
Asking the Aspens
there were times in the middle when
I held you between my thoughts
like when you burned all your paintings in the backyard
couldn’t be stopped
or how you hammered up a ladder to summit the roof
and dean held the nails
there were times in the middle
when I loved you heavy and soft
we were way too stoned to stand
but we made it to the top
you were holding both my hands
and tryna pull me up
cause I was 10 then I was 15
then I was yesterday afternoon
I was hanging from the feeling
that someday you would bloom
just asking the aspens to grow a boy like you
just asking the aspens to grow a boy like you
there were times in the middle when I held you
and it felt like snow
you’re the only kind of weather so weightless
I can’t feel when I’ve let you go
and there you aren’t in any of it
hanging sideways like a tree
in the hillside of last summer
in the hillside of a memory
we were way too stoned to stand
but we made it to the top
you were holding both my hands
and tryna pull me up
cause I was 10 then I was 15
then I was yesterday afternoon
I was hanging from the feeling
that someday you would bloom
just asking the aspens to grow a boy like you
I keep asking the aspens to grow a boy like you
(extended original lyrics)
there were times in the middle when I
shouted you between my faults
like in that empty chinese restaurant
where you taught me how to break a heart
nihilism isn’t real old dear
your scale is just wrong
even the word insignificance
has significance
at least in this song
Cause I was 10 then I was 15
Then I was yesterday afternoon
I was hanging from the instinct
That someday you would bloom
Just asking the aspens to grow a boy like you
Just asking the aspens to grow a boy like you
lyrics written during the years 2015, 2016, 2017 by Kathleen, with some edits by Dan Nigro in 2017
August
his name was August
and he came in like a flood
he whirled around and roud and
drowned me up in every kind of love
he took me over
he took me to the world
he took me in and out
and up until I was a different girl
that's not what I was told when
I learned how to love you
'cause I was never taught that
perfect love could end
he stands right beside me
but he's farther than the sun
but his light still keeps me warm
it still keeps me burned
that's not what I was told when
I learned how to love you
'cause I was never taught that
perfect love could end
and now that's it's over
all I can seem to think
is how to love someone
with every part of me
cause that’s what I was told when
I learned how to love you
'cause I was never taught that
perfect love could end
that's not what I was told when
I learned how to love you
'cause I was never taught that
perfect love could end
Lyrics written by Kathleen in 2013
Dark Side of the Moon
I had to leave home for home
Packed my car up gave my key to neighbors
Hope they keep my plants alive
Then I drove four states east
And every car along the ride
Was also on their own odyssey
Florida to Tampa
Oregon to Bend
These license plates like name tags in reverse migration
Every mile closer to the dark side of the moon
I dunno what’s coming
do any of you?
But last night
I think I met my mom
And this afternoon I met my sister
And this morning
I finally met my dad while he was outside
Just picking up dog shit
Oh despite everything else
I think I met myself
I’m having to reinvent
The way I measure time now cause
Days and hours feel like a past life
Tryna learn new manners
Like how to greet a stranger on the street
With nothing but your eyes
Texas to Houston
New York to the City
I know you’re getting slammed but you’ll walk again
Every mile closer to the dark side of the moon
I dunno what’s coming,
I just wanna hold you soon
But last night
I met the Milky Way as it was shivering
Outside of my window
And this morning
I finally met the birds cause there’s nothing else to do
But watch them
Oh despite everything else
I think I met myself
A few months ago
I thought the world was ending
It was burning all the work we’d just begun
But through morning’s without traffic
Through horizons without smog
I could see that wasn’t fire, no,
That was just the dawn
Lyrics written by Kathleen during the beginning of the first Lockdown
The Longest Year
The Great Barrier Reef
was recently pronounced dead
i ts last holy words were not
“Make america great again”
which way does the wind blow Dylan?
I’m standing in the storm but
I’ve lost my sense of feeling
iIdeas climb out of bed and
promise that they’ll fix it
I look at you, you look at me
and we excitedly agree
that one day we’re sure gunna fix it
something comes up and
we all fall back asleep
oh it’s been the longest year of our lives
I close my eyes
and relive every moment
100 sleepless nights
enough to make the comedians cry
which way does the wind blow Dylan?
I’m in the line of fire
but I’ve lost my sense of feeling
oh it’s been the longest year
it’s been the longest year
it’s been the longest year
of our lives
what kind of dream is this?
what’s gunna happen next?
what kind of dream is this?
what’s gunna happen next?
Every other day we break another record
how many more till there’s nothing left
oh here we go again into
another longest year...
lyrics written during the years 2016 and 2017 by Kathleen
Half My Mind Ago
Half my mind ago
I thought I knew everything
How far have I come
It isn’t much of anything
There’s something about
How you hold me
Gimme just a minute
Lemme re-learn how to breath
Why can’t you let me go
Gently
You’re loud as an alarm clock
Pulling me out of a dream
You fixed the game
So you stopped playing
Just tell me what you really want
You’ve got too much
For you to carry
You dropped my heart along the way
Oh and i know you feel the same
Half my mind ago
I thought I knew everything
How far have I come
It isn’t much of anything
Half my mind ago
I thought I knew everything
How far have I come
It isn’t much of anything
lyrics written in 2017 by Kathleen
produced by Dan Nigro and Ariel Rechtshaid